treefrog

Buddhism defines metta as loving kindness, which also requires understanding because if we don't understand another person's needs it's difficult to be loving and kind towards them.

In the show, what the person was trying to say is, I am feeling insecure that you may be more attached to her than you are to me. I.e., I'm scared you're going to leave me for her.

Which is what we generally mean by love in our culture. At least what we mean by romantic love. A sense of attachment to the other person.

This isn't always a bad thing. I can be a little shy so when I am in public I tend to show a lot of attachment to my girlfriend, at least until I get comfortable in the space. But it can be a bad thing, if someone is so attached that they let it get in the way of treating their partner with kindness. Act manipulative or aggressive when the person pulls away, for example.

Information can travel at light speed. So, I think there's more to it personally

Yeah I know. But I wanted to point out that the comment in the article wasn't so much a real consideration as business risk analysis 101. Along with a healthy dose of corporate spin.

Here I think it's best to delineate the GOP base and the GOP elite.

What you say is most likely (though not always) true for the base. While not likely (though sometimes) true for the elite.

And it's not a delusional disorder. But the effects of propaganda by the elite. (Still technically delusion but I think it's nice to point at the source, as it helps us not fall into the trap of blaming people for being manipulated).

The reason we see more of this recently in broad daylight is because propaganda works. The oligarchs and political elite care about the same things they did during WW2, money and power. And up until Pearl Harbor, there was support for Germany in the U.S.

https://time.com/5414055/american-nazi-sympathy-book/

And don't forget, the GOP has a history of shitting on minorities that goes back many generations. This isn't new. It's just masks off. Because their base drank the kool aid.

A spokeswoman for OpenAI declined to comment beyond pointing BI to a corporate blogpost from May, in which the company says it takes web crawler permissions “into account each time we train a new model.

The translation for this is do we stand to profit more than we stand to be punished.

Basic capitalist risk assessment in other words.

Yeah for real.

I'm so grateful I had someplace to go to. My stepdad was not great either but he was much easier to cope with than my father. And my mom is my role model for compassion in this world.

Unfortunately in my case the cycle of abuse continued with my stepbrother when my dad remarried. Which is why I have doubts about him really getting the message. And my stepbrother ended up moving out when he was 17 and couchsurfing through the rest of high school.

Anyway, I made a edit to my post above. I just wanted to point out that we are the victims of abuse. Restoring the relationship is on the shoulders of the person that caused the damage to the relationship right. It's up to them to make amends and rebuild trust. And without rebuilding trust there can't be love. So, it's really not our job.

Finding compassion and understanding for everyone can still be really helpful though in that it can lead to deeper self understanding. Which requires kind of stepping back and looking at the factors that contributed to the cycle. But that doesn't mean you need to let an abusive person into your life. Or feel warmth towards them. Even if they do try to make amends, it's completely acceptable to just not have the spoons to deal with it.

I made a post talking about my personal experience.

This post is more of a safety check. As a couple of other people pointed out you don't have to. And if the abuse is continuing, focus on your safety first.

I didn't speak to my father for 6 years. When he came back into my life, I think he understood that he couldn't take the relationship for granted. And that if he treated me like shit, I would never talk to him again.

I don't know that he really changed. But he does respect my boundaries now. Even if it's more out of fear of the consequences than compassion for me. And trying to understand and forgive has helped me to develop more compassion.

But I had stopped the cycle of abuse by setting a firm boundary with him. And that had to happen before any sort of trust could be rebuilt. And to be honest, that was his job. He needed to respect my boundaries to earn my trust. Trust is earned it's not given, after all. And without safety and trust, love can't flow.

So yeah, don't put it on yourself either. You are the victim of abuse. Restorative justice, such as making amends, rebuilding trust, and ultimately hoping that love can be there again, that's the job of the person that did the damage.

Yeah it's really effective. And becomes a practice in its own right of self-care. It's also one of the modalities MAPS is using in MDMA treatment protocols.

There's parallels in my Buddhist practice. Which is in the plum village tradition. Thich Nhat Hanh uses language like embracing the anger with your mindfulness and holding it like a mother would hold a crying infant. So, while the technical language is different it can be very similar to the IFS process and the two help inform each other for me. Compassionate inquiry is another one I've heard of but not studied. Which also has strong parallels.

Sometimes I catch myself just holding space while two parts have a loving conversation with each other. Which is a nice change from always being at war with myself.

It's been difficult for me. I find understanding helps a lot.

I view a lot of the abuse and family violence that I both experienced and witnessed, as a sort of generational shame and resentment, partially due to poverty and Catholicism. Coupled with jealousy of people born into more privilege who lived in our community. And a healthy dose of substance use to cope with the above feelings, primarily in the shape of alcohol, but also a lot of stimulant abuse in the family.

It helps a lot that my father has softened quite a bit. I don't know that he's completely changed in the sense of understanding how he has hurt people. But he seems to treat his current wife well, and with all of the male children out of the house the cycle of abuse seems to have stopped. And he has acknowledged how he's hurt me when I've brought it up, at least generally. And been supportive and not abusive since I turned 18.

I've also had to do a lot of personal work, a lot of self-discovery. And a lot of work with an excellent trauma therapist using IFS and EMDR, along with a meditation practice at home.

And all of that said it's a process. Sometimes my trauma gets triggered and I'm right there as a 12-year-old pissed off at him again. Which is to say give yourself some grace too.

I took a couple of very cute selfies in a new outfit and had a difficult but fruitful conversation with my girlfriend about some insecurities that I was having in the relationship.

And thank you for the question! I include this opportunity to share my joy as a good thing that is going on with my weekend.

What good things are going on with your weekend?

I mostly play roguelikes, which is to say there's a lot of games I haven't finished and have a great time with.

The last big title I played that was really enjoyable for the first half was unicorn overlord. And I even played through the first half of a couple of times. After that micromanaging the units gets annoying, so I put it down and haven't picked it back up.

That's the last game I really enjoyed that I didn't finish. But I like to buy games on sale and check them out, partially because I have an interest in-game design and game theory. So even if I only play a game for a few hours, if I get it for cheap I'm still pretty satisfied.

Great! I hope it's as helpful for you as it was for me.

I think my biggest piece of advice would be to set up an LLC, especially if you have any personal assets that you could lose if you would end up liable for stuff related to your business.

It makes your taxes a bit more complicated, but it shields you from being personally liable for damages that your business incurs on somebody else. And would protect like your house or car from being counted as an asset in a lawsuit in such cases.