sunspider

I love this bit from the article:

To a request for comment, X only sent Ars an auto-response, saying, "Busy now, please check back later." (To be fair, in this case "check back later" is a good summary of what happened.)

Don't worry, it's just a Team Fortress 2 reference: https://youtu.be/PLmrdZVvtT8?si=CpKmRpdGU-l3aDa1

"How to be a good human owner"

Here you go:

HELP IM TRAPPED IN A DILDO FACTORY