How much RAM is postgres using? I'm running on i7 11th Gen and 16gb of RAM so your hardware is fine. This is the resource usage of my setup. First 6 are Lemmy itself broken up to scale and for redundancy. I have a node down right now normally using 3 http ones. Http ones receive federation from others and the lemmy-instance2s are the databases setup to be highly available too.
NAME CPU(cores) MEMORY(bytes)
lemmy-6b9fbd75f6-4q4n8 1m 5Mi
lemmy-fed-0 2m 18Mi
lemmy-fed-1 1m 18Mi
lemmy-fed-2 6m 17Mi
lemmy-http-57886f784f-5x9vb 4m 73Mi
lemmy-http-57886f784f-tpbtb 13m 121Mi
lemmy-instance2-czc6-0 47m 3362Mi
lemmy-instance2-jpw7-0 13m 1017Mi
It's the one I'm using but it's not just running in a cluster. Even some applications recommend running separately like matrix. You can't run everything on the same.versiom all the time anyways.