You have to differentiate. Calling your friends stuff is one thing, doing so to others is something different. It still is a slur, no matter what it has been years ago, and it will hurt somebody.
But yeah, we use it too from time to time. I am autistic myself and so are most of my friends. But my preferences or my condition doesn’t give me some special right to act like a jackass to others.
I mean, at the very least we can try.
I sat through this when it came out. And I never regretted a single second of doing so.