KISSmyOS

This, but unironically.

Because Windows 10 Support runs out next year.

With the current Windows 11 installer this doesn't work anymore.
But you can download the ISO, use Rufus to create a USB boot stick and disable all the requirements (account, RAM, TPM, CPU generation) in Rufus' options. Also lets you auto-deny all telemetry options and create a user account without prompting.

My friends call me "Please fix my printer".

“We value providing our customers with choice, so there is an option to dismiss the notification.”

Thank you daddy Microsoft for still letting me click "no" on your invasive popup ad with a dark pattern to make me change my system settings.

If you read more than the headline, you'd know that you can simply purchase those options instead of subscribing, if you want.
Which makes the entire article pointless. But you'd need to read more than the headline to see that, which is too much to ask.

That's not what that word...you know what, fuck it. I give up. Enshittification now just means "becoming worse" and I won't be able to stop that.

"Or you can just purchase any of those features permanently"

This fact, hidden somewhere in the middle, makes the entire article pointless.

I prefer honey cause I'm no goddamn liberal hippie, so it's important to me that animals were killed for my food.

It definitely sounds like it could fit into the ADHD / Autism spectrum.
I am diagnosed with ADHD and have a very similar compulsion, but with Linux distros. I used to keep switching between Debian Stable and Arch.
For me, the driving factor was that I wanted my computing environment (which is where I spend most of my time) to be absolutely perfect and "clean". Quitting the distro-hopping was like quitting an addiction. I made a conscious decision to stick with Arch and deal with all problems that arise without switching back. Getting involved in community service and charitable work also helped. I simply don't have several hours of uninterrupted free time anymore to reinstall and set everything up again.

Every Windows version was shit when it came out, then became good through updates by the time the next version came out.
Except for Windows ME and 8, which were just shit.

It already is, but it isn't mandatory, yet.