Am I the only fucking rational person here
No, no I don't think so
Am I the only fucking rational person here
No, no I don't think so
I'm on my 15 so I don't have time to list everything but a lot of your assumptions are wrong about what you'd have to learn/ need to set up on your own. Synology has a suite of apps for all your use cases that makes it quite easy to set up. And there's apps for your phone (yes android) to connect to it from outside of your network.
A good weekend of shmedium effort and you can have it all set up and running no problem.
If your powers unreliable btw you should invest in a battery backup UPS to protect sensitive products.
No, they no longer exist bc they were never sustainable, but they knew that in the first place and sold it as "life time" bc they knew they could make money by lying to customers. Lying is bad and we all agree businesses shouldn't lie, no?
Which is a big assumption to make on such a young site.
What browser would you recommend then?