FatTony

Doesn't have to be a life motto. Any motto, for any application.

Mine is: "Fear is shorter than regret."

geteilt von: https://lemmy.world/post/18499026

https://www.mystateline.com/news/national/almost-half-of-young-men-have-never-approached-a-woman-romantically-study/

“In the entire dataset, 29% of men said they never approached a woman in person before. 27% said it had been more than one year. This was larger for men in the age 18-25 group: 45% had never approached a woman in person,” according to the study.

A majority of single males surveyed reported fear as the main reason they do not approach women for dates in person. Fear of rejection and fear of social consequences were the two most common responses.

The data highlights a growing concern in the United States and abroad — loneliness. A 2023 report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services found that almost half of U.S. adults report “measurable levels of loneliness.”

It's interesting to say the least. It seems as though the social repercussions and rejection are the most profound reason. While the fear of rejection is easy enough to digest. But I think the fear or social consequences is a relatively new construct.

From what I understand it's the fear of being viewed as a creep to approach a woman out of the blue. Which to me, is reasonable enough. But I don't think I have ever heard my old man or anyone of his generation bringing this to the table.

Yet I do remember asking my friends about picking up hints and whether or not men are really that bad at it. And most them saying the just don't want to risk misinterpreting it.

Perhaps there is an argument to be made that approaching women like this, has fallen out of social fashion. What do you guys think?

p.s. I hope this is casual enough of a conversation. I kinda screwed up my last one, I admit.

When I get a match on a dating app, and it's going well, I often run into the problem of not knowing how to conclude texting for the day. My social battery runs out pretty quickly when texting. Especially when I just met the other person that day. I usually just tell a white lie.

So does anyone maybe have a good line on how to end things casually, for the day? Or is this something you should tell them beforehand? Or is telling a white lie the proper way to go in this scenario?

Please let me know your thoughts on the matter.

When I was about 8/9 years old I was told by a friend of mine I couldn't play with them any more. Their mother didn't approve of it for some reason.

One year later I asked my mom if she ever knew why this was the case. She said that other mother thought I wasn't good enough for her child. But that after a while that mother said she may be okay with it now.

But my mother said she didn't like that idea. That this friendship would be all reliant on that mother's "generosity". And I didn't feel the need to object to that. My mom's reasoning made perfect sense to me, even on age 10. This was not the way you treat friendships fairly from a parents perspective, I realised. (There is a little more to this story though, but this is all I care to share.)

I still feel like that was a mature thing I did. Because I was not a child that took 'no' very well at that age. So what are your childhood experiences where, now upon looking back, you feel you handled it maturely?

Edit: Due to popular demand FatTony Search servers are down for the time being. but has gone open source just in time (Yes that's how it works 😡) . You may now get responses from other users. Servers will be back up some time later.

When I was like 7 or 8 years old. I was friends with some kid. Later his mom did not allow us to be play together any more (it was something along lines of me not being good enough for her son, this I found out way later). It really sucked, we were good friends.

A couple years later when I was 11. I asked my mom if the mother of my friend ever explained as to why she forbade us playing together. This is when my mother told me but she added: "Well at one point she said she was okay with it now. But I didn't feel like this was a correct way to do things. It was not okay that this would be all on her call."

And I didn't feel the need to argue (which was not common for me at that age 😅) . I understood where my mom was coming from and I agreed. If that other mother forbade us from being friends she ought to stick to it and not act as some sort of mercy plead.

There is a little more detail to this story though. But it's little bit too private to share right now. Anyway what is your childhood story where upon thinking back to it, you handled (according to you) a situation maturely for your age?

For me it was this one: I Fought the Law

I recently saw 'Don't Look Now' (1973). Good picture, a little slow perhaps by today's standards but worthy of any movie enjoyer's time! So this movie was shot in Venice. Venice itself being an already beautiful spot to film even today. The way we get to look in a time capsule of Venice in the 70s makes the movie that much better!

People in the 70s could not in fact appreciate it the same way we do now. Concurrently we also can't do it for today's movies. Some movies can only be truly appreciated over time is what I believe. This matter can be expressed in both the movie's message or, as I did, its cinematography. Hence my question now to you.

del