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matrix: unstable overall
"Unstable" is an understatement, and this comes from a girl who uses it all day every day.
Isn't it generally better if you use a smaller instance/host your own? Most of the complaints I've heard have been on the busier instances.
That said, I only use it occasionally to catch up on dev updates.
My current instance has ~160 users, and it's okay. I once used a friend's instance, where I was the 2nd user. It was very bad. That might in part be the fact that it was running Conduwuit though.
KiwiIRC is a web based IRC client. Does not have voice chat afaik, but since it's IRC it's very lightweight and had a low entry barrier.
How about Guilded?
Matrix is probably the closest to Discord overall. If Element is bugging out on you, it might be worth trying other clients. Nheko worked well when I tried it, for example. Do note that the matrix.org homeserver is sometimes overloaded, so if you're having responsiveness issues, choosing or running a different homeserver will probably clear them right up.
Mumble.info is great for voice. If your text chat needs are pretty basic, it might be a good fit. I don't think it saves message history.
XMPP is a protocol, not an app. If you you saw an interface you didn't like, you could always just use a different client. I don't usually recommend it, since setting it up with all the features people usually expect is a bit complicated and error-prone, but it would probably be fine among a small group of friends if one of them has tech skills. I don't think it offers voice, at least not in any widely-supported way.
Our group uses mumble for voice and discord for text and backup voice or external voice. The voice quality is better, free, faster on mumble. Extremely low server requirements. It technically saves chat history but as server logs, not for the client.
What do you do when you want to share your screen?
For that kind of thing I use jitsi, works great and I have access to a sort of private instance that I use occasionally. Works for just voice too but it can be a little unreliable (the last two times I had a weird issue where the others suddenly couldn't hear me and vice versa but reloading fixed it) so something else might be better for that..