this post was submitted on 10 Mar 2024
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[–] [email protected] 53 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (12 children)

Whelp, I've got cancer. It's the second time I've had it. About 9 months ago I was told the docs would treat me but I probably wouldn't make it.

Its been a hell of a time.

It's a blood cancer so at the moment I look normal from the outside. I've changed a lot though, in the sense that I've become more me.

I don't give a shit about anything except for spending time with people I like. I especially don't care about money or work.

It (death) is taking a lot longer to happen than I thought it would.

The real trip has been seeing other people's reactions; I accepted it early on but other people have had very different reactions. Mostly I think they just don't know how to react, or they don't think it will actually happen, or both.

I don't think the human mind is capable of understanding the concepts of "eternity" or "oblivion" very well.

I do believe in God but it's still scary.

Its the everyday things that catch you off guard; the other day I was wondering when the next soccer world cup would be, then I realised I probably wouldn't be around for it.

I think when I finally die it will be a relief from all the physical pain.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (5 children)

I had to watch my dad's being and body melt over 12 months dying of Glioblastoma.

And people just don't get that.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 8 months ago (2 children)

4 years ago next week marks my mom's diagnosis and the 10 months that followed. Watching your loved ones go slowly insane and become unable to speak and move in such a short time (she was mid 50s) when they should be healthy changes you. Everything I look at, everything I think about is now looked at under a different lense. And given my age, there just aren't a lot of people around me who have any idea what it's like and assume it's just handling the pain.

Like... no. I'm different now.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

Sorry you had to go through that. I hope you've been able to use that experience to make the most of life.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

Luckily I have a good therapist.

Who lost his sister to it.

Doesn't help that my brother also died of a heroin overdose (just 5 months before diagnosis ).

My mom moved away after Dad died to live near her sister... Which I understand. But dam I feel abandoned.

Also sometime in between I got a fibromyalgia diagnosis. So in also grieving my old life/body. Bleh. Hugs 🫂

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

Damn you've had it hard. I hope you find some joy in life, you deserve it.

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