Technology

If there's so much helium inside the earth, then why doesn't the earth float away?

I'm }picturing dudes coming up from underground looking just a little bit dirty pretending to wipe off all the helium they've been mining while huge dump trucks and conveyor belts industriously rumble away carrying literally nothing nowhere. A concerned supervisor runs over to one of the miners like "god damn it Joel,. I told you to be careful. You're covered in helium! We're you even wearing your protective gloves? Look at your hands

. The men g)are angrily as a dumpy Rick carying a load of helium }pulls around just as one of the execs from head office pulls up in a golf cart, leisurely motions to the dump truck driver to stop, and cautiously climbs up into the bed of the truck to reach in. He climbs down, looking bemused, running his thumb and index finger together.

" Fine helium boys, great work out there today" he says after gingerly tasting nothing on his finger.

" But see, we've got a little problem".

The men, grizzled helium miners all, look concerned but defiant. These rugged hardworking may ultimately be under this man's purview, but they'll never respect soft hands with manicured nails that have never felt thing ring of the pickaxe against a brand new helium de}osit deep in mother earth.

The men's defiance seems ready to boil over in rage as security personal, a dozen of them, from lines around the mean, prepared for any trouble that might arise.

You see", the executive drawls smugly " recent shipments have been a little.... Light".

The men look around nervously, as if a{using looking at Joel on purpose. This is a trepidation the executive does not share as,. Motioning to security guards he walks towards Joel.

" Say, ajoel, is it? How were the men's today. "

Joe smiles wanly, says nothing.

" Well, Joel? What's it like down there, huh?

Joel \inces as he replies " it was good" his voice is as high pitched as the backing of a 90s techno song. Joel is grabbed by security guards as the executive roughly reaches into Joel's c{versllys.

He holds an empty hand up as if holding something, displaying it before the miners.

" Aha! Pure helium. Our helium. And don't you forget it boys. "

Then men glare angrily at the executive, sympathetically at Joe, as they head off towards the showers to cleanse themselves of helium residue before heading home

I was hoping for a recording of the news release about this discovery in that helium-elevated voice.

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go...