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I'm a Scottish man that likes whisky, haggis, and beer and I actually do own and wear (at the right occasions) a kilt. Unfortunately I balance it out by having an accent from a different part of the country to the one that adds about a dozen extra syllables to "purple burglar alarm"
I'm hearing something like "puerrrapleuh buerrragluerrr alarrrum." Do I have that about right?
Frankly I think we should call up the International Phonetic Association and tell them that you've developed a better transcription system than their alphabet