this post was submitted on 27 Jan 2024
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No. Sorry, I know you're going for a joke and I don't wanna be a buzz kill. But it's still messed up to deadname. Doesn't matter if they are cis, trans or an asshole.
Look I totally agree he is a massive piece of shit. But so is Caitlyn Jenner and Blair White. Every single person everywhere has the right to their identity and to conceptualize themselves however they wish. And if we make respecting those choices, such as their name, contingent on good behavior that just signals to every trans person watching that we also have conditional respect to exist and function in society comfortable, safely and normally.
I'm not defending Ted, he is a major PoS, but defending the concept that no one can control how they were born and those circumstances should not be a limitation on how any one wished to live their life.
The joke is that it is emphatically not deadnaming. It’s disregarding a preferred nickname, but calling into the discussion the topic of deadnaming because he and his culture are massively transphobic.
I know we’re just two strangers passing in the night, but I want to be extremely clear that I would never deadname someone, regardless of their political beliefs or their stance relative to the trans community. I completely and totally respect the rights of all trans persons and for all people to define who they are.
I will also continue to call X Twitter and refer to it as deadnaming for the same reason, but if tomorrow Elon were to come out as trans I would respect their chosen names and pronouns.
I’m a cis gendered mostly gay man who has been active in the LGBT political and civil rights community since the days of ACT UP, I know the semiotics of genderism well enough to put together a course on it, and I’ve seen every episode of Pose.
I know your comment was very well meant, and I am in no way criticizing you for it. It’s coming from the best of places. I just want to be very clear where I’m coming from as well.
Well I appreciate your collected response, it's very common for these type of situations to turn in to a flame war. I entirely feel you and agree that Cruz is not a deadname situation. But after sitting with and pondering your response all day, I think my real rub comes down to the term deadname like thus? I'll be the first to admit that maybe i, as a trans woman, might be too close or sensitive to be totally objective here. But while I get that you were doing a joke, steaming from it NOT being a deadname situation but treating it as one felt to me as you were thinking it's funny to actually deadname people. And that just sorta stuck me. Maybe my reply had more to do with me than with you, but this is something I've seen a lot lately. It a trans person does something that makes the internet angry, suddenly to a ton of people deadnaming does become fun to them. And I felt like you were going at the same vein.
You're right, we are just two passing strangers. And I don't have to like every comment in the whole of lemmy, but it felt wrong to not say something. Nagged at me when I scrolled away, so I just wanted to clarify. Even though I know those sort of relies only ever get downvotes. 😂
So you go in peace bestie, I'm sending you all the good vibes and hope you have a wonderful day! ♥ 💕
Thank you so much for your thoughtful and kind response.
You have changed my mind on the subject. As a queer person it’s easy to see us as one big community, and I know that things like humor can read totally differently than how they sound over brunch. And as I said, I have always meant that kind of parodying in an explicitly trans supporting kind of way.
But your comment made me understand that those are not my jokes to make. We are all team rainbow, but the experiences of the trans community, especially now, belong to the trans community. While it was not my intention to trigger an emotional reaction, the fact that I did so and your very gentle and kind correction has made me resolve to not make that mistake again.
So you changed a mind today and educated a person. Thank you, and all love to you ❤️