this post was submitted on 28 Jan 2024
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Believe it or not? This is avoidant attachment style.
Like literal fucking definition.
Probably, but could just as well be anxious attachment since we don't have the whole story. I'm on the anxious side and this happens a lot if the other doesn't show enough interest or is closed off in conversation.
fair. I guess I haven't dated anyone other than my ex wife so... I guess I really shouldn't jump to these conclusions.
My first thought was OP is dismissive avoidant. It's the no-overlap Venn diagram of, "I want to be close enough to be loved, but not close enough to be hurt." OP: go take one of the attachment style tests online. There's a lot of good stuff that might help you get out of this Catch 22. Who knows, though? There is scant information.
OP: do you find yourself resenting your partner? Wishing they'd get out of your space/stop bugging you with their needs?
Late but this post has got me curious. Is this a good test?
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/tests/relationships/relationship-attachment-style-test
Update: ew, that test asks for a zip code. Nevermind. How about this one?
https://www.idrlabs.com/attachment-style/test.php
Second one looks good. She has got a bit click-baity, but I found a lot of Thais Gibson's "Personal Development School" channel on YouTube to be really accessible. She has links to tests, but it's also useful just listening to her video overviews if the different attachment styles and seeing if you recognise yourself in any of the descriptions. Certainly I was at a loss, watched them, and was like, "Oh shit! Her description of anxious preoccupieds and dismissive avoidance is almost verbatim what I'm dealing with!"
If you are dismissive avoidant, don't read the comments. There are a lot of butthurt anxious preoccupieds out there. They really do experience DAs like that, but they've got their own shit to work out and contribute to the dynamic.