OK I'm gonna speak to my GP at some point cos this isn't the first time I've contemplated having undiagnosed ADHD.

Funnily enough I did an online autism test the other day and it said I was "Highly Likely" autistic. But then it says further down the page they charge ~£2k for diagnosis from a private clinic that obviously wants to push for more profit. Who do I trust? It isn't helped by the fact most ADHD, autism and cannabis diagnoses/prescriptions are private so there's a profit motive to them all. Poor people don't qualify. On Universal Credit and have ADHD? You're fucked cos the meds cost £00s per month or a 3yr waiting list if you're lucky.

Added to the fact diagnoses is just confirmation bias. I can look at every disorder in the DSM from BPD to bloody schizophrenia and I fit every single one. It's about picking the right memories. Am I asocial? Yes! But isn't everyone? Am I miserable? Yes, of course! Do I procrastinate? Yes! Am I selfish? Yes, sometimes! Do I shit twice a day? Yes! Do I have problems concentrating? YES!

But wait...is that cos I've been lay down on the sofa all day browsing Lemmy? Come to think of it does that explain everything? Is browsing Lemmy 12hrs per day the cause or a symptom of something?

I see people talk about ADHD symptoms online all the time and I go - "yeah I get that". It's become so common that "neurodivergant" sounds neurotypical! Do you remember how "OCD" got overused? People would say "I'm so OCD cos I had to bin the toast I dropped butter side up". Erm, no it's dirty and it's obvious. That's kinda how it feels when I see people complain about ADHD symptoms - "no you're not ADHD - that's just normal".

In fact lets try it:

• Short attention span, especially for non-preferred tasks - yes absolutely.
• Hyperactivity, which may be physical, verbal, and/or emotional - When I was a kid my mum and aunties called me "hyperactive!. As an adult I get very hyper around people I know to the point of being annoying. I've been accused of having 'child like energy'.
• Impulsivity, which may manifest as recklessness - drug abuse and overspending into £20k debt so yes.
• Fidgeting or restlessness - I climb around/over chairs. I don't just sit.
• Disorganization and difficulty prioritizing tasks - my flat is a fucking bomb site and after 3yrs I've still not unpacked.
• Poor time management and time blindness - I'm late to anything/everything or extremely early to compensate.
• Frequent forgetfulness - I just showered and after putting on an item of clothing I forgot what I was doing and waked into the lounge before remembering and walking back. So yes, very.
• Daydreaming and the appearance of not listening - all the time. I'm normally in my own world more than the real world.

So do I have ADHD? AFAIK everyone has those at some point. Fuck knows I assumed this was all normal and I was just shit at life...? My head's at war with itself. On one hand I don't want more drugs because I was an addict and antidepressants don't work. On the other I keep seeing reasons why I should ask for a diagnosis because it seems blindingly obvious.

I also did coke a few times as a student and once in my late 20s with the same result - calm mind but with palpitations. Someone told me it was probably "shit coke" but it had great reviews from everyone else. I also took modafinil for a few months and it helped my motivation - it's thought to act in a similar way to ADHD meds and is being studied as an ADHD med.

I don't know. It's annoying to think the 40yrs of my life being a complete cluster fuck could be explained by a diagnosis and some pills. Do you see where I'm coming from?