this post was submitted on 05 Sep 2023
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You just have a very high tolerance for jackassery. You've seen plenty of evidence of hexbear hostility, i.e. the "dunk tank" that would justify not wanting to interact with hexbear users and have actively chosen to disregard it.
This is because you're kind of a jackass. Disregarding people engaging in good faith with "just trust me bro" is exactly the kind of thing people really hate hexbear users for. Not because of illegal activity or moral failing, but because they're assholes. While you may think this isn't worth de-federation, unfortunately moderators aren't some kind of legal authority, and if federating with hexbear means instance admins or community moderators need to put in triple the work to prune all the arguments and """shitposting""" hexbear users love, nobody is legally or morally required to put up with it.
It's legitimately that simple. Hexbear users are jerks and nobody wants to hang out with them, and that's enough to ban them from any given community or instance.
Best point I've read made here.
I'm also probably kind if a jackass, because hex bear doesn't bother me. Would I appreciate a civil conversation to better understand their POV? Totally. Will that happen? No. So I just don't interact. The fierce protection of LGBTQ communities is something I appreciate however.
I was called a bigot because I dared to say that a person finished transitioning is no longer trans.
Because they're done. They're a man or woman now, and apparently treating them as such means I'm a bigot.
This isn't defense, this behavior actively makes things worse for trans people. This is the exact type of behavior conservatives want you to think of when they say "trans people bad".
This is why, this statement means that you don't view trans people who haven't "finished transitioning" as their actual gender. This is a transphobic and pretty reductive understanding of how transition works (albeit one that some trans people hold themselves, usually transmeds). I won't write an entire essay on why but here's just a small bit to chew on: consider that a "finished transition" is very different from person to person and some people might never consider it finished. Some people only want to socially transition, others have to medicate for their entire lives, both could consider reaching their ideal state "finished" or they could consider it a continual work in progress.
Also,
The idea that pointing out someone's transphobia will somehow support the transphobes is laughable. If being called out is seriously enough to make someone stop supporting trans people then their support was conditional and only surface-level.
Staying civil, as you suggest, is what actually helps conservatives since it allows their views to go unchallenged when their views are bad and should be challenged. Part of this includes challenging people who may think they are supportive but harbour transphobic beliefs that they haven't analysed fully. And these wrong beliefs can have actual harm. As a simple example, there are a lot of "allies" who say that trans people are their gender but not their sex, which is a belief that can harm trans people when brought into a medical context where our bodies are (if on HRT) closer to those of our actual gender than to our AGAB.