Selfhosted
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You used one of these subscribe to all community scripts, no? Otherwise it is hard to reach these figures as a single user instance.
However for the memory, I also have a hard time understanding why it eats up all ram. I am currently restarting the Lemmy backend twice a day to prevent the database from using all the memory and the system subsequently running out of memory. It definitely looks like some sort of memory leak, but not all instances seem effected. I already tried a few things to fine-tune the database and pool size etc. but it doesn't seem to help.
oh I used like a tool to speed up federation, maybe that caused it? it was called maybe that caused it?
yes, mostly. This tool basically instructs your lemmy instance to try and fetch the entire Lemmyverse and mirror it on your server.