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The way I moderate, is to be unashamedly selfish, with a sprinkling of impartiality.
Basically, I do whatever I would want "the mods" to do if I were a user. Obviously, there are other users, but since the point of me bothering with the whole thing is to facilitate the kind of activity I personally enjoy, considerations for people who want my communities to be something different, is simply not a priority.
Unless I joined a mod team that existed already, I decide.
If someone complains or has a suggestion, I do make an effort to actually consider what they are saying, but then I still decide what will or won't happen. I'm doing the work in order to have communities I actually like, not the adoration of a bunch of thankful users. If you compromise on the former for the latter, why even put in the effort? Either way, there will be a set of people who like what you do, and a set of people don't. So why please other people at the expense of pleasing yourself?
Unless you actually open things up to be voted on, the goal is to be a benevolent dictator. You can't please everyone, but that doesn't mean you have to make yourself one of the unhappy ones. You may be a mod, but we're ALL users. That means what you want to do, even as a mod, matters too.
I think you just accidentally articulated the theory of virtue ethics. How do you know what you should do? Do what you think a good person would do. ๐