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I bet at least two of them are!
It's like running away from an octopus. You don't have to be faster than the octopus, you just have to be faster than the guy standing next to you.
For an octopus you would have to be faster than 8 other people near you
I think it says a lot about the people on the interwebs that we started out talking about a ménage à trois and veered into racing against killer octopuses.
And yes, it's octopuses, not 'octopi'
You've just aptly described why this is the best part of the Internet.