this post was submitted on 21 May 2024
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what's it called when you try to be aware of this and inadvertently say stuff that comes off as condescending, umm, asking for a friend
ooooof
I know for men who are equal opportunity overexplainers it can still be seen as “mansplaining” when overexplaining to women.
But in general, if your tone of voice is right and it’s still happening, perhaps communicating your intention and a safeguard would work, at least sometimes?
I'm always worried about inadvertently doing this, so I've been trying to make a conscious effort to ask people if they need more context rather than assuming they do or don't. It's actually a good approach I think. Although it does depend on whether the person you're talking to is likely to just say "oh yeah, I know what that is" when they really don't
I've had to train literally hundreds of people over the various jobs I've had and it causes me to over explain in almost every conversation.
I got two tricks to figure out how much someone knows about a topic and encourage them to ask questions rather than lie just to avoid being a little uncomfortable.
First, I look for them to use vocabulary that I haven't already mentioned or if they seem to understand something just by using a couple words.
Second, I ask them to explain something early in the conversation to make it easier to ask if they don't understand something later. It's usually really simple, but it really does work to lower communication barriers.
I like to think it makes us feel more like equals trading expertise, rather than like I'm some authority talking down to them.
I hope this helps anyone
Yeah that’s good stuff!
Seems like you have your best shot if you make it seem like a lack of knowledge on a given topic is really safe. “Is this something you’ve nerded out on before, or not yet? Oh you have - cool, it’s pretty esoteric. Do you know enough to summarize it in a sentence or a few? If not I like to try to give my own high level before diving in.”
Something open ended in there gives you a chance to validate whether the ‘I know what that is’ was ego or truth.
That's the ticket, IMO. I start off assuming they know, then pause to ask "are you familiar with x concept?"
If they say yes and they really mean no, there's really not a lot I can do. But it seems to make people feel at ease when talking to me - I don't get called out for over explaining or infantalizing people this way.
If there's any chance they've heard about a concept, I'll ask if they've heard of it and take them at their word (without comment either way).
And if they're kinda nodding impatiently, I'll wrap up the explanation and move on to the deeper level
At first, people will sometimes be defensive or lie about knowing a topic, but after you establish there's no judgement either way with you I've found people become less hesitant about admitting ignorance and will even want to hear your explanation of something to check their knowledge
I also do the flip side - I pride myself on admitting when I don't know something, so that might play in too