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Where do I look when seated at a restaurant to seem normal? (lemmy.world)

submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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(when seated in a group with others, i should clarify. if i'm by myself i'm absolutely happy to be on my phone or book)

i genuinely have an issue. it's like....there's people on all sides. i need to rest my eyes somewhere, esp in a social setting which is already inherently a bit wearing

if you look down at your food, you look sad or disinterested or whatever
if you look at the ceiling that's insane, isn't it?

so that's down and up out. let's look at:

the sides, which have people there or nearly there, or obscuring the view of a nice window or painting, and you can't stare at people.

fuck fuck fuck. what about:

the center. oh no. this is the nightmare zone. let's break it down into 3 sections: the top contains their face, that's quite insane to look at. downwards, the table across from you with their food, that could seem like you're looking at their body very intently, can't do that. the middle? if it's a woman, then that's very much bad form. but if you're a guy generally attracted to women, part of your brain wants to look no matter what, at least a little. and since when you're sitting, forward is the most natural direction to look (you can't really turn around or move, particularly), so you keep coming back to it and AHH FUCK

fucking nightmare.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago (9 children)

(Not an insult) i assume you're autistic or have some autistic traits, so maybe people in the autism forums could help too.

Generally you can look at anything and everything you want to look at, but just don't do it for more than a few seconds in a row.

Like for example if there's two of you at a table and you're having a conservation then it would go something like this. look in you tablemate's eyes for 3-5 seconds, then look at your plate for a few seconds while you're using your utensils on your food, then look in your tablemate's eyes for another 3-5 seconds, then look at the wall decor for a few seconds, then back at your tablemate's eyes for a few seconds, then back on your plate to look at what you're eating for a few seconds, then back to your tablemate's eyes again for a few seconds. Now that i talk it out, i think it's right for about every other look to be at your tablemate's eyes.

Basically it's the same as any situation where you're having a conversation with someone. Look at their eyes for a few seconds, then look at something else for a couple seconds, then look back at their eyes again for a few seconds.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (8 children)

I also think this. Am I autistic? I feel like normal people think these thoughts too. Any normal people here to verify?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

No, this isn't a typical thing people think about. Which is why it's associated with autism, (social) anxiety, and/or ADHD. Now, it doesn't mean you definitely have any of those, but it's something to consider as part of a larger picture.

I suggest you pursue medical/therapeutic support if you find that this anxiety is negatively affecting how you live your life :)

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

I have ADHD and autism traits and I definitely have similar thoughts to op when I have to deal with unfamiliar situations. Like even a Drs appointment I have to mentally plan a conversation in my head about how they respond otherwise I'll forget to mention things.

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