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I have tried a few other matrix servers (dendrite and conduit), something always ended up not working because they don't implement everything synapse (the reference server) does, or there were bugs - generally audio/video calling or file transfer would break. Synapse worked out of the box. It also has good documentation.
I don't see any performance problems or abnormal resource usage with synapse either. As I said I don't use it that much, so maybe there is something nasty I didn't see yet. From what I've read, it is only a problem when you federate with "large" instances/rooms, but my server is not federated, it's just a basic private chat server.
Yes, synapse performs and scales well at this point. They had to optimize it for the large scale deployments (e.g. government, health care). Dendrite and conduit need less ram after joining large rooms. Conduit even idles around 100MB if it's only on few small rooms, which is pretty awesome.
I never actually used audio/video calling since I mainly use matrix for communities and sometimes bridging, so dendrite and even conduit worked well for me for a long time. Now that dendrite is baasically feature complete I'm curious when was the last time you used it? I remember having issues with bridges one or two years ago.
According to this issue hcaptcha is not fixed yet.
And I just read the dendrite github page. The federation and client-server API's are complete, but the AS API isn't and things like SSO aren't implemented.