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It’s not international travel. I live with my wife in her country. International calling and texting is expensive.
So I can just get a use an iPhone with iMessage or convince my immediate and extended family and professional contacts to use a different chatting app.
It’s just easier to use an iPhone.
What you said has nothing to do with an iphone.
It very clearly does. If they can't get all their contacts on other chat apps because they're on iPhones then how could you possibly say it has nothing to do with iPhones?
What does a contact list have to do with a phone? Does the iPhone lock you out of even proper contact management?
No, contacts as in the people they want to contact.
What does that have to do with the phone they own? I still don't get it.
Only iPhones can use iMessage. iMessage uses a data connection rather than SMS or calling. OP lives in a different country and international SMS or calling would cost a lot of money, but a data connection does not. The only way of communicating with certain people without incurring extra charges is for OP to use iMessage over a data connection.