this post was submitted on 06 Jul 2024
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Programmer Humor
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My previous work used two mission-critical software for continuous operation.
One was some guy's university project written in Object Pascal and PHP and largely untouched since 2006. I tried offering fixes (I also knew Pascal), but I was rejected every time because the cumulative downtime caused by software issues was not enough to justify the downtime caused by the update (obviously this was determined by a Middle Manager (derogatory)).
The other was (I shit you not) an Excel spreadsheet with 15000 lines and 500 columns. I tried making a copy and cleaning it up, but Excel couldn't handle the amount of data and ran out of memory.
I absolutely cannot stand this kind of logic.
"We make a shit ton of money on this very critical piece of software!"
"Then let me fix it!"
"NO! It's making us money NOW! It only stops making us money when it's broken. At which point then we fix it."
"But that might be hours. We can minimize downtime if we plan properly."
"But it's making us money NOW!1!1!”
I shit you not I have had various versions of this conversation throughout my career, across industries, across disciplines.
True zen is achieved when you realize it's not your problem. Even better when the thing eventually breaks and you can be smug about it.
It's your problem when they can't make payroll because of it. And it's your problem when they ultimately blame you for not having the solution ready to implement.
The first has happened to me once.
The second more times than I can count.
Draftand write in the description that management says this should not be merged until the site breaks.And while you're busy making this PR to fix a problem that you haven't been authorized on, you're falling behind on current tickets.
The only way to realistically make this happen at most companies is if you're doing work for your company on off time, and, generally speaking, never ever do that for any reason unless you're being paid for on-call.
Yeah my joke was kind of partly inspired by the drawthefuckingowl meme. Step 1 would be the owl lol.
This is not how the real world works
Be the change you want to see ✨🌈